The avoided post

so i have avoided making this post for several reasons. one i hate writing and well that's what this is, and two i don't know what to write or how to write it. so i guess in a word this means I'm "confused." yes, that's it...confused. seems to be how i spend most of my days now. and by this point your asking your self confused about what. well let me try and explain it to a little, may not make since because remember i am confused.
go with me now to the beginning of my summer, june 3rd, the day i met(or re-met) the people i would be spending my whole summer with. yep, 20ish people that i would share every waking(and some sleeping) moments with. each person very different from the other, but all brought together for one thing...to bring God glory. but could this common bond hold us together for a whole summer. hold us together through all the trials and all the drama. the drama, o the drama we had. i don't think that you can bring 15 girls together and not have drama, i think its just something we do. but what God can do is bring 15 girls together and bring them THROUGH the drama. the devil brought all he had against us this summer but God prevailed over him. the devil tried to attack our unity, our strongest weapon, and with God we prevailed. i would even go as far as saying that going through the drama brought us closer together. i miss my brothers and sisters. can i be closer to the people than to my own family? is that possible? i think so, i love these people so much. where im from im one of few that truly lives for God, and its hard. it was so amazing to share life with this many people with the same heart i have. i miss the daily prayer time with them, i miss having church in the park, i miss staying up late talking with my roommates in the bathroom, i miss waking up late and having to get ready in like 5 minutes, i miss taking stupid pictures because there is nothing else to do, i miss singing "you said" with them, i miss sharing and hearing stories, i miss kelli ignoring me so i would get out of her room when she wanted to sleep, i miss spencer talking about how he hated some of the turkish men and always trying to act like a big brother, i miss matt and his many airport runs to pick up people that weren't there, i miss watching wesley sing while he listens to his iPod, i miss talking to damaris about our days on the way home from bonn, i miss how jenn would tell me she loved me and all i would say is "whatever" but she knows i love her, i miss caleb and his love for stuffed animals, i miss how lara winks when she smiles and the notes she would give me at the right time, i miss linley and her crazy jokes that would have my whole apt rolling, i miss watching josh lead worship and his face when we ask him to sing "you said" for the 10th day in a roll, i miss how everytime i wasn't home on time amanda would text me and be like "where you at fool," i miss sitting in starbucks with tara, i miss rassi random jokes, i miss jessica always trying to make me cuddle with her, i miss kickin' it with Gina and having a good time out on the town, i miss tay tay and the encouraging thins she said during our group time, i miss chelsie getting krunk in our apt, i miss pastor poon always having something to say, i miss jerrods daily challenges, i miss laura avoiding my camera at the laundry place, i miss sara and how everytime i saw her she was smiling. sometimes i wanted to kill some of this people, but at the end of the day i couldn't wait to find them and tell them about my day and what God had done. we had true fellowship with eachother and it was amazing and God was truly present. now we are spread out over the USA, never again will we be together like we were this summer. so i guess your wondering where the confusion comes in. well here it is, going into the summer i had all my plans and about half way through they were changed. but i never thought about till i got home. i didn't have to think about until now because i was away from the situation. now i have returned home, back to this reality, back to america, back to this family. the question before i go to bed at night "God what is your will for me now." that is still my question. i long to be back in Germany with my family where i know what im supposed to be doing. right now i have no idea what God is calling me to do this year. as much as i want to be in Germany i know that this is where God wants me and i have to remind myself of that daily. every moment of the day when i think man this is what i would be doing right now if i was in Germany i have to remeber that God has me here and i need to live for the moment here and not in past. yes i want to hold on to those memories, and i will, but i can't let them consume me and my thoughts. i need to take the passion and the willingness to go that i developed this summer and apply it to my life now. how God wants to use me right now im not sure but i will be obedient to whatever he calls me to do and when he calls me to do it. so to my bothers and sisters that read this, we all miss eachother and i know that we all long to be back in Germany, but open your eyes and look at the m field that is right in front of you. we have to come before God naked daily so that he can work through us. we have to strip ourselves of this world and be pure before our God. isn't it amazing that no matter what we go through we can get on our faces and worship our God. isn't it amazing the God, the creator of the universe, the maker of mankind loves us and calls us friends. He doesn't need us by any means, but boy does he want us. we need to have a desperation for Him.

I will love You
I will praise You
I will serve You
I will trust you